Speaking the lingo

Fly fishermen in general are definitely a different breed, and fishing guides, who rarely make it out from behind the sticks, have evolved into something that separates them from the civilian population within the same ecosystem. Depending on the person asked they could be placed on either side of the human spectrum, super or sub human.

I have always thought that guides, especially fly guides fell right in the middle with the ordinary Joe, yet the misconception lies within the different vocabulary and dialects we use. I can see as to how many might think of us as being an evolved and intelligent humanoid when

"ovapositing trichoptera" rolls off the tongue. And yet the indecipherable grunts and groans of a bloan cast or a large streamer to the back of the head lead many people to believe that a chimpanzee's communication skills are closer to that of a Rhodes scholar in the evolutionary chain.

For those civilians that frequent the same rivers and streams as a guide or those of you who might decide to follow my frequent ramblings, I have created a translation to help cross the linguistic barrier.

Dirt Snake- a san juan worm

Wet Chicken- any streamer over 6"

Baby Chicken- any streamer under 6"

Turd- a girdle bug/ Pat's stone

Poaching Water- a blatant low hole (someone pulls in and fishes down stream) or any whoring of your water by another angler.

Double Bagging- wearing two rain coats due to a down pour

Devil's Rig- a dirt snake with a dirt snake dropper

Shooting heads- contrary to belief this is not a game violation. it is casting to a rising fish.

San Francisco Trout- a rainbow trout hooked in the anus.

toofah: two trout landed on one rig with a dropper, pronounced twoferrr' in Arkansas

White River two step: also known as the san juan shuffle. kicking one's feet on the bottom to create a feeding frenzy. this is a no no

Walter Jr. a brown trout under 24"

fish !+@*: a picture of nice fish...usually in the grip n grin pose

grip n grin: grip a trout and grin for the camera

old man river: blue hair fishing guide....someone that was a fishing guide/ fisherman before dirt was invented.

attitude adjustment: a can of Copenhagen

crossing some one's eyes: hitting them in the back of the head with a large split shot or heavy fly due to an errant cast

biorhythm: also associated with "holding your mouth right" has to do with being able to catch fish or not catch fish on many days. hangovers are also directly correlated to biorhythms.

angel dust: a special something that you put into a dubbing blend to push your pattern over the edge. give it that fishy twinkle. also known as pixie dust.

steak and eggs: flesh fly and egg pattern fished simultaneously

oar wh*re: a fishing guide that rows a drift boat. there are also many other titles for this wily character that are not suitable for this site. Very rare in Arkansas, but are being seen more and more.

billy bob back troll: people seen back trolling on the White River while smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer simultaneously. The consumption of alcohol and operation of a boat is illegal and not condoned by the author of this translator.

Duel carburetor- a hardy fly reel

Blue striped tiger with a wench- a war eagle fly rod with a flueger automatic reel

Whistling Gopher- usually frequents fishing shows. they ask "how much does one of them fishing trips go fer'?" when hit with the amount they begin to whistle.

fly shop talk 20- a 16 inch fish.

Seventh ring of hell- a y2k with a san juan dropper

s#xual intellectual: an f%^&%$ know it all

trout park brigade: people that feel that you are standing over the only fish in the river. so they fish on your hip pocket while there is 2 miles of open water to be had. This mentality is usually brought about from being reared in a "trout park" north of the Arkansas border. the standard line "if i knew you were going to fish this close to me I would have brought another sandwich" is appropriate during these encounters. the problem is easily diffused when you give the fellow angler a couple hot flies, a bead on another good spot. other aliases for this character include "roaring river renegades" or the "Missouri Mafia". in the duck hunting world this would be known as the "South Carolina Swat Team". Side note- this term does not include most and is not limited to people indigenous to the states of South Carolina and Missouri. All fisherman from any region that act in this way are deemed a member of the TPB. The author has always enjoyed the company and been appalled by the actions of persons of all regions of the US and multiple continents. May not be deemed politically correct by many, but "I ain't your politician, I'm your fishing guide."

Sagesocrat- a person with a deep wallet, and limited fishing talent. the method behind the madness is they think "fishyness" can be purchased through a goofy hat, an expensive rod, and a $500 pair of waders.

I think that will cover the basic needs. I won't go in to deep on the scientific names of the bugs or other technicalities. I'd rather watch paint dry. Now onto the inaudible grunts and groans.

hawlysheetahh- an angler is dropping his cast and hitting everyone in the boat

susususususset- your fly just got eaten. set the hook

giviteer- usually happens on a slow day. the fishing guide is mentally beat and wants to change your flies. usually followed by a more audible. "if it doesn't work, it doesn't ride for free".

hoooolyfufufufufdidjayaseet- The biggest fish in the area code just ate your fly or possibly took a swat at it.

Hopefully this crash course will help the masses understand the more elusive and somewhat secretive critter we like to call a fishing guide. Now if someone could streamline the female dialects and the true meanings of their groans......